Outspoken Children: Respond with Understanding, Not Anger
Casal dels Infants – Children who are outspoken often say whatever comes to mind without filtering it first, especially during casual conversations. While this may seem honest and spontaneous, if not properly guided, such behavior can unintentionally hurt others. However, being outspoken is not inherently negative—it can actually reflect a child’s openness and confidence in communication, as long as it’s directed appropriately.
According to clinical psychologist Yustinus Joko Dwi Nugroho, M.Psi., parents should avoid scolding children harshly when they say inappropriate things. “Children learn through real-life examples. If they’re only yelled at without being shown how to behave properly, they’ll end up confused,” he explained. Showing children how to speak politely and respectfully is far more effective than simply giving verbal warnings.
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Joko emphasized that parents should avoid using physical punishment, as it can leave emotional scars that last into adulthood. Instead, parents should apply clearly defined consequences they have agreed upon with the child in advance. For instance, if a child continues to speak harshly, parents can ask them to clean their room as a form of accountability. Parents must apply these consequences consistently to help children understand the link between their actions and outcomes.
Clinical psychologist Adelia Octavia Siswoyo, M.Psi., recommends that parents and children create mutual rules about respectful communication. If a child knowingly breaks these rules, parents should give a relevant and reasonable consequence. For example, they can temporarily refuse to engage in conversation.
“For example, a parent might say, ‘Mom doesn’t want to talk right now because you spoke that way,’” Adelia shared. This helps the child feel the discomfort caused by their own behavior, making it easier for them to associate those feelings with the inappropriate action.
The foundation of shaping a child’s behavior lies in consistency and empathy. Parents make children feel understood and valued, and they show them real-life examples of positive behavior. This approach helps children learn to manage their words without losing their sense of self or confidence. This process requires patience, open communication, and active parental involvement at every stage of development.
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