The Right Way to Parent: Understanding Effective Child-Rearing

Casal dels Infants – The right way to parent is essential to ensure children grow into responsible, independent, and balanced individuals. When parenting styles are misaligned with a child’s developmental needs, it can result in children becoming spoiled, overly dependent, and self-centered. Often, without realizing it, we may unintentionally raise children in ways that do not foster their growth into well-rounded and capable adults.

The right way to parent, according to Leonard Sax, a family physician, psychologist, and author of The Collapse of Parenting, involves providing clear guidance and setting firm boundaries. He argues that many modern parents have lost their way in this regard. Sax highlights a growing trend where parents treat their children as equals, rather than recognizing that children need authoritative figures to guide them. By giving too many choices and avoiding necessary boundaries, he says, parents have inadvertently raised a generation of children who lack strong leadership and direction.

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Children Need Guidance, Not Negotiation

Sax shares an example of a mother who asked her child for permission before a medical examination. Instead of giving a clear instruction, she offered ice cream as a reward if the child complied. The result? The child refused, and the examination had to be forcibly conducted.

According to Sax, many parents now frame their communication with children as questions rather than firm statements. But parenting isn’t about keeping a child happy all the time, it’s about teaching them right from wrong, even if it means saying “no.”

Parenting Is More Than Being a Chauffeur

Today, many parents feel involved simply because they shuttle their children from one extracurricular activity to another. But Sax stresses that what matters more is the quality of time spent together. “There’s no benefit in spending time with your child if you’re doing it the wrong way,” he explains.

The Decline of Parental Authority and Its Consequences

A lack of parental authority has been linked to rising obesity rates, increased anxiety disorders, and poor academic performance. Sax emphasizes that long-term success is rooted in traits like self-discipline and humility, more so than intelligence or wealth.

Practical Solutions for Parents

Sax offers several straightforward yet powerful strategies:

• Have Regular Family Meals: Make mealtime a top priority. It strengthens family bonds and reduces behavioral problems in children.
• Remove Electronics from Bedrooms: Proper sleep is essential. Devices in the bedroom disrupt rest and contribute to mental health issues.
• Limit Screen Time: Keep screens in common areas and monitor their use. Kids need real-life social experiences, not just virtual ones.
• Teach Humility and Responsibility: Help children understand that they are not the center of the universe. They must learn patience, resilience, and empathy.
• Collaborate with Schools: If a child misbehaves, don’t immediately blame the teacher. Support values like honesty and integrity.
• Supervise Teen Social Activities: Teens should not attend parties that are inappropriate for their age. Parents must act as responsible adults, not just friends.

Being Firm Doesn’t Make You the Villain

Being a firm parent isn’t always pleasant, but as Sax puts it, “Sometimes, you have to be the bad guy for the sake of your child.” Consistency and commitment are essential. Your child may not appreciate it now, but one day, they’ll thank you.

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