Children Tend to Be Closer to Their Mother's Family, Here's a Sociologist's Explanation
Casal dels Infants – Children often feel a stronger emotional bond with their mother’s side of the family than with their father’s. This phenomenon is not merely coincidental, researchers have studied it and refer to it as matrilineal advantage, the tendency to form deeper emotional connections with mother’s family.
In many families, maternal grandmothers are the most remembered and cherished figures by their grandchildren. Studies show that children are typically more comfortable around their maternal grandmothers than with their paternal grandparents, even when the paternal side lives geographically closer.
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Sociologist Sonia Salari from the University of Utah often begins her family studies class with a simple yet powerful question: “Who here feels closest to their maternal grandmother?” Consistently, most students raise their hands. When the question shifts to paternal grandparents, far fewer hands go up. This repeated pattern across generations illustrates the widespread nature of the phenomenon.
In a hypothetical scenario, such as choosing whom to save from a burning building, participants are more likely to choose a relative from their mother’s side. This reveals a deep-rooted emotional instinct toward maternal kin.
A key factor contributing to this pattern is the role women, especially mothers, play as the emotional anchors within families. They are not only caregivers but also organizers of family dynamics. They remember birthdays, plan events, maintain contact with extended relatives, and create a warm atmosphere during family gatherings.
A 2017 study found that 91 percent of those identified as “kin keepers”, those who maintain family ties, are women. Another study from 2010 showed that, apart from mothers, the most active family communicators were maternal grandmothers, not paternal relatives.
The closeness also stems from the emotional relationship children tend to build with their mothers. Many children report feeling more connected to their mothers due to the quality of interaction, often described as nurturing, patient, and emotionally available. Mothers are typically seen as more approachable and supportive than fathers.
Although fathers may be physically present at home, their emotional involvement is often limited. Many children hesitate to confide in their fathers because they fear being misunderstood. They also worry their fathers might dismiss their concerns or respond harshly. In contrast, mothers are more likely to be their children’s go-to confidantes.
We should not view this phenomenon as a criticism of fathers, but instead take it as an opportunity to reflect. Fathers can strengthen emotional connections with their children by showing warmth, openness, and responsiveness. They don’t build strong bonds with their children just by being physically present, they create them through empathy, emotional availability, and meaningful communication.
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